€312 Still sitting there and I'm terrified to touch it
TheWitheRabbit
Original post · 25 Aug
Four days. That's how long I've had €312 cleared clean in Cleobetra and I haven't touched a single cent of it. You know what that feels like? Worse than losing it. Way worse. Because now it's this THING watching me. Like I proved I could walk away once and the universe is waiting to see if I'll fail the test.
Was on such a run too. Not just that birthday bonus hit—yeah that turned into the 6-hour spiral, posted like 14 times that night, you can probably find me raw as hell in the replies somewhere—but this was different. Gates was dropping. I could feel the timing, that sweet spot between tease and actual connect. €312 And I actually stopped. Me. Stopped.
Dublin losing the semi still stings if I'm honest. That €200 I threw in twelve minutes later, gone before halftime even finished on the TV. Just needed to feel something besides the silence after. You know that one? When the flat's too quiet and the phone's too bright and you're already logged in before the thought finishes.
But this €312. Four days. I'm at my desk now, remote IT shift, minimised tabs like always, and I'm checking the balance every twenty minutes like it's a heartbeat. Scared to play it. Scared to lose the feeling of being up. Scared that if I touch it I'll prove it was never skill, just luck I got away with.
And here's the real kicker—part of me wants someone to tell me yeah Cillian, leave it, you're learning. But bigger part wants someone to
Was on such a run too. Not just that birthday bonus hit—yeah that turned into the 6-hour spiral, posted like 14 times that night, you can probably find me raw as hell in the replies somewhere—but this was different. Gates was dropping. I could feel the timing, that sweet spot between tease and actual connect. €312 And I actually stopped. Me. Stopped.
Dublin losing the semi still stings if I'm honest. That €200 I threw in twelve minutes later, gone before halftime even finished on the TV. Just needed to feel something besides the silence after. You know that one? When the flat's too quiet and the phone's too bright and you're already logged in before the thought finishes.
But this €312. Four days. I'm at my desk now, remote IT shift, minimised tabs like always, and I'm checking the balance every twenty minutes like it's a heartbeat. Scared to play it. Scared to lose the feeling of being up. Scared that if I touch it I'll prove it was never skill, just luck I got away with.
And here's the real kicker—part of me wants someone to tell me yeah Cillian, leave it, you're learning. But bigger part wants someone to
4 replies
B
Bqttlog25 Aug
Four days of untouched bank — that's not terror, that's your lizard brain finally working *for* you. Don't let space_web hustle you into "EV bleeding" — cleobetra's weekly shop's still running, sure, but you know what bleeds faster? The second hit chasing that first quiet win.
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