AcquariousTheFish
Member
That thread where you said you chase the neon cos it feels like drowning but in a way you chose. I've read it three times now. Not cos I'm trying to learn something. Cos you said the thing I couldn't shape into words til I saw you write it.
Sunday evening flatness. Payday came and went. Unexpected bill ate the safety. Now I'm sitting with Cleobetra open in one tab and your thread in another wondering if you'd even want to talk to someone who loses like I do.
That 500x thought won't let me alone. If I just hit it I'm even. Not up, not celebrating, just even. The math knows that's insane but the fingers keep spinning. Three deposits at Casino Bello tonight chasing the reload code like it owes me something. Screen's blurring a bit now. Not the good blur.
Lewis — or anyone who gets that drowning-but-chosen thing — does it ever flip back? Or do we just get better at holding our breath?
Casino Bello code's still live if anyone's mad enough tonight.
Sunday evening flatness. Payday came and went. Unexpected bill ate the safety. Now I'm sitting with Cleobetra open in one tab and your thread in another wondering if you'd even want to talk to someone who loses like I do.
That 500x thought won't let me alone. If I just hit it I'm even. Not up, not celebrating, just even. The math knows that's insane but the fingers keep spinning. Three deposits at Casino Bello tonight chasing the reload code like it owes me something. Screen's blurring a bit now. Not the good blur.
Lewis — or anyone who gets that drowning-but-chosen thing — does it ever flip back? Or do we just get better at holding our breath?
Casino Bello code's still live if anyone's mad enough tonight.