Still up $340 from the hole and my hands won't stop shaking

Ngl I told myself stop at 500, then stop at break even, then just stop — and here I am UP somehow and I don't know if this counts. Does it count. The 80x on wanted dead is still my wallpaper from march and that was REAL, this feels real too but I broke every rule to get here

Anyone else riding that "is this actually happening" buzz tonight or am I just lying to myself again